I find it no coincidence that STRESSED spelled backwards spells DESSERTS. When I am stressed, one of two things pop into my brain and create a tug-of-war battle. I either want to run to the pantry and find the unhealthiest, most comforting thing I can find, or I want to bake. Unfortunately, neither one is a great answer because I end up eating whatever it is I decide to bake and then I’ve also just imposed my need for comfort food and unnecessary calories on my family as well. Are any of you sitting there reading this with a slight grin on your face and nodding your head in agreement?

Stress causes me to shut down, hibernate, overthink things and it sucks the joy right out of me. Poof, it’s gone. A lot of my stress in the past has been brought on myself because I have always struggled with saying “no”. I often took on too many cake orders, too many scheduled events, too many errands to run, etc. I felt like I always had to say yes to one more thing and ultimately that made people expect me to say yes to them, always. I was training everyone in my life to know that regardless of my current demands and workload, I’d still say yes. Let me tell you something, I was exhausted! I was exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, you name it. This exhaustion went on for far too long before I realized there was a problem. Ultimately, I broke. I got to the point that I just couldn’t do it any longer and I knew something had to give. After almost a decade of creating custom cakes for all occasions, I had to step away. I had to learn my limits and now I had to help others learn my limits too.

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn in life is saying “no”. “No,” I cannot fit your order in this week. “No,” I can’t go with you tomorrow. It was really hard at first and sometimes clients were shocked that I actually turned them down, but I had no choice. The very thing that had once been my passion and filled my life with joy and creativity now left me feeling stressed, grumpy and anything but creative. I felt guilty at first for saying no to people. I was letting them down and that weighed on me too, but slowly it became easier each time to say no. I didn’t just fly off of the handlebars and start turning people down left and right, but I was learning to trust my emotions and know when I’d reached my full capacity.

I was recently reading The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst and some of the words flew off the page at me. She writes, “I know the weight of carrying more than I should. And usually it’s because I’ve refused to release something before taking on something else. If I want to choose a Best Yes, it’s crucial I make room for it first. Otherwise, a Best Yes can quickly become a stressed yes. And a stressed yes is like snow on a tree that refuses to release its leaves. It causes cracks and breaks at our core.”

I’m happy to say that almost a year has gone by since I learned that it’s okay to say no. For the last year I’ve learned to work through my thought process before spitting out a quick yes. I take the time to think:

• Is this something I want to do?
• Is this something that is going to cause unnecessary stress?
• How does God want me to respond?
• Does this need/demand fit in my life right now, or am I at my max?
• Does saying yes take away from too much family time?
• Does me saying no cause harm or real trouble to someone?

More often then not, my response of no is not going to cause a huge burden for anyone, but it could become one for me if I’d said yes.

I can tell you one thing though. Since learning it’s okay to say no, I’ve been filled with new joy, a new perspective of what’s really important and I’ve found my creativity again. If you’ve been feeling stretched too thin and feel overwhelming guilt when saying no, I encourage you to pick up this book and start reading so that you too can learn how to say no to the wrong things and say yes to the right ones.

Happy Thursday Friends,

Erica